Blog

Trauma:

It’s Not What Happens to You,
It’s What Happens Inside You

As Dr Gabor Maté explains, “Trauma is not what happens to you but what happens inside you as a result of what happens to
you.” This shifts the focus from the event itself to the lasting impact it leaves on your mind, body, and emotions.

What Trauma Feels Like?

Trauma often lingers quietly inside. You might notice:

• Tightness in your chest or stomach
• Racing thoughts or flashbacks
• Numbness or detachment

A heavy, hard-to-explain sadness, Even when life moves on, these feelings can resurface when you are alone, as your body and mind return to the moment of pain.

Trauma as an Unfinished Emotional Experience

Your brain may replay fragments of the event, and your body can react as if the danger is still present. It can feel like
carrying a wound that hasn’t yet found a safe place to be expressed or
understood.

The Lonely Side of Trauma

When you’re alone with it, trauma can feel larger, heavier, and harder to hold.
Thoughts like:
“Why did this happen?”
“Why can’t I just be okay?”
“No one understands this feeling”
…are common.
These reactions are your mind and body trying to protect you and make sense of the pain.

Trauma Is Not a Sign You’re Broken

Experiencing trauma does not mean there is something wrong with you. It means something deeply stressful happened, and
your nervous system and emotions are still responding.

With time, safety, and with the right support, trauma can be processed and integrated. Understanding it, recognising your reactions, and using coping strategies can transform lingering pain into something you can live with, not a wound you carry alone.
Lumi Counselling February 2026

Understanding Childhood Emotional Neglect and Its Lasting Effects

Many adults struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, or difficulty connecting with others without realising that childhood
emotional neglect may be the cause. Unlike abuse, emotional neglect is about what was missing rather than what happened.
If your emotional needs were consistently ignored or minimised as a child, it can leave lasting effects that appear in adulthood.

Signs of Emotional Neglect in Adults:

You might notice that you find it hard to recognise or express your feelings, feel different from others, or are overly self-critical. Some adults feel responsible for other people’s emotions or struggle to ask for help. Anxiety and emotional numbness are also common.

Adults who experienced emotional neglect as children may also struggle with decision-making, self-soothing, or trusting others. Understanding these patterns is the first step towards self-awareness and emotional healing. Many people only realise the connection between their childhood experiences and adult feelings later in life, which can bring relief and clarity.

How Counselling Can Help:

Counselling provides a safe space to explore
your experiences and understand how they affect your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.

Therapy can help you:

• Recognise patterns from childhood
• Learn to express and manage your emotions
• Build self-worth and confidence
• Develop healthier relationships

Moving Forward:

Realising that childhood emotional neglect may be affecting you can feel surprising or overwhelming. It is normal to experience a mixture of emotions when recognising these patterns.

Awareness is the first step towards change. By noticing your emotional patterns, acknowledging your feelings, and exploring
your experiences safely, you can gradually build self-understanding and self-compassion.
Even small steps, such as noticing how you respond to your emotions or setting gentle boundaries, can make a meaningful difference in your daily life.
Lumi Counselling March 2026